I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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