I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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