If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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