I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
