Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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