This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
