sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
