Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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