she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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