I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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