eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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