I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
