I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
