just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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