the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
