Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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