Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im six kinds of drunk right now
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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