Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
