My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
