Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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