I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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