I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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