Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think my vagina is haunted
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
