Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
