Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
