i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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