So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
