I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
