the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize