I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
