I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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