I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
