I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I faked an abortion last night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
