he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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