what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
