When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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