if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
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Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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