We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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