theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
