I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
