i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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