we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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