So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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