Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
