my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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