I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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