thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
