3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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