Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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