Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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