If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
