Jerry, you need to find god
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
