Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
