When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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