My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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