I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
