i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
