Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
