Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
