I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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