in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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