I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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