Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
