I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
