i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
