You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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