No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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