carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
