As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
